The Bottom of the Barrel jokes used below have been with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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Bottom of the Barrel 1

An Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walked into the local pub, and promptly ordered three beers. The bartender raised his eyebrows, but served the man three beers, which he drank quietly at a table, alone.
            The next evening the man again ordered and drank three beers. Soon the entire town was whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.
            Finally, a week later, the bartender broached the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers at a time?"
            "'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replied. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to Canada, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank, as a way of keeping up the family bond."
            The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and a source of pride to the hamlet. Then, one day, the man came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender poured them with a heavy heart.
            As he delivered the two beers to the man's table, he said, "I'm sure everyone in town will be sorry to hear of the death of your brother. We want to offer our condolences."
            The man looked puzzled for a moment, then laughed. "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, myself, have decided to give up beer for Lent."

Bottom of the Barrel 2

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two missionaries sitting under tree. One was reading the Bible and the other was typing a sermon.
            The lion pounced on the man reading the Bible and devoured him. Ate him. Just like that.
            Even the King of the Jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.

Bottom of the Barrel 3

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."
             The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
             "Say no more," said God. Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
             A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer.
             "Well," said the mice. "We have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."
             "It is done." came the heavenly reply. All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
             About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. God found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"
             The cat replied, "Oh, it is wonderful! I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those Meals on Wheels have been delicious!"

Bottom of the Barrel 4

Money
            It can buy a house. But not a home
It can buy a clock. But not time
It can buy you a position. But not respect
It can buy you a bed. But not sleep
It can buy you a book. But not knowledge
It can buy you medicine. But not health
It can buy you blood. But not life
So you see money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I'm sharing this with you because I am your friend. So send me, all your money and I will suffer for you!
Cash only please!
            After all, what are friends for, huh??

Bottom of the Barrel 5

Repent! 
   It's Lent.
 Repent!
(If you have previously repented, please disregard this message.)