The Bottom
of the Barrel jokes used below have been with permission
from the author Ralph Milton.

Bottom of the Barrel 31
Umberto Eco (The Name of
the Rose) is writing about the religious relics so prized in medieval times.
"The Treasury of
Eco says John the
Baptist's skull was already something of a joke in the Middle
Ages. According to various original accounts, a pilgrim visiting the shrines of
"Ah," said the quick-thinking keeper of the second shrine, "the
skull you saw yesterday was obviously the skull of John as a young man."
Bottom of the Barrel 32
This from
A man
wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is
work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After
consulting the Bible, the Priest says, " My son,
after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not
permitted on Sundays."
"What
does a priest know about sex?" the man thinks. So he goes to a Protestant
minister, who after all is a married woman and experienced in this matter. He
queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Not at all
pleased, he seeks out the ultimate authority - a man who stands on thousands of
years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes
to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi
ponders the question, then says, "My son, sex is
definitely play."
"Rabbi," says the man. "How can you be so sure? The other clergy
all say it is work?"
The Rabbi
speaks softly. "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
Bottom of the Barrel 33
One day a mother and her
eight-year-old daughter were walking along the beach, just at the water's
edge. Suddenly, a gigantic wave splashed up on the beach, and swept the
little girl out to sea.
"Oh,
God," lamented the mother, turning her face toward heaven and shaking her
fist. "This was my only baby. I can't have more children. She
is the love and joy of my life. I have cherished every day that she's
been with me. Give her back to me, and I'll be in church every day for
the rest of my life!!!!"
Suddenly,
another gigantic wave flashed up and deposited the girl back on the sand.
The mother looked up to heaven and said, "She was wearing a hat!!!!"
Bottom of the Barrel 34
You may need to think about
this one for a bit.
A
philosopher and a theologian were having an argument about the value of their
respective disciplines.
Said the theologian, "A philosopher is just like a blind man,
in a dark room looking for a cat that isn't there."
"Yes," said the philosopher. "And the theologian would find
it!"
Bottom of the Barrel 35
Here's one from the
prolific Evelyn McLachlan.
The Pope,
Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the
"Oh,
this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we
summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen.
Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take
you in and we can't send you back.
Then St.
Peter got an idea. He picked up the phone. "Lucifer, this is St. Peter.
I've got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them,
and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll
only be a few of days. What d'ya say?"
Reluctantly,
the Devil agreed. However, two days later St. Peter got a call.
"Pete,
this is Lucifer. Hey, you gotta come get these guys.
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."