The Bottom of the Barrel jokes used below have been with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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Bottom of the Barrel 36

Carl Boyle is responsible. Not me. I'm jus a humble cipher, hunched over my little keyboard, doing what must be done. So blame Carl.
            A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.
            A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium.
            It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

Bottom of the Barrel 37

A minister was visiting a family one afternoon and was surprised to learn that everyone in the household had a biblical name.
            "Yes, sir," said the lady of the house. "Even our dog has a name from the New Testament."
            This puzzled the minister. "I can't think of any name for a dog in the New Testament."
            "Well," replied the woman. "Do you know the story of the rich man and Lazarus?"   
            "Yes, of course," answered the minister.
            "Then you know it says that 'moreover the dog came and licked his sores.' So our dog's name is Moreover."

Bottom of the Barrel 38

Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things are bad. The Pharaoh won't even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him for making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He's about ready to give up.
            Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice speaks from above: "Moses! Listen to me. This is God. I have good news and bad news."
            Moses is staggered. The voice continues:
            "Moses, you will lead your people to freedom. If Pharaoh doesn't release you, I will smite Egypt with frogs, and with locusts, and rivers running with blood."
            Moses is stunned. He stammers, "That's . that's fantastic, I can't believe it! But what's the bad news?"
            "You, Moses, must write the environmental impact report."

Bottom of the Barrel 39

Lost sheep get rescued in many ways.
           A story is told of the great theologian and writer, William Barclay, when he was minister at a church in Glasgow. Barclay was deaf, and often didn't hear comments, especially when the speaker was too far away for him to lip-read.
           One Sunday, on the way out of church, a man came up and said, "Dr. Barclay, I want to thank you for saving my life."
           Barclay scratched his head. He couldn't remember ever seeing the man before. "I'm sorry," said Barclay, "but I don't remember."
           "About a year ago, one evening, at dusk, I was sitting on the steps of the church feeling desperately dejected about my life. I called to you as you walked out of the church and I said, 'Life is terrible. I'm going to throw myself into the river and drown myself.' You waved to me very cheerily and said, 'Well, the best of luck to you.'
           That comment brought me back to reality, and today, life is good."

Bottom of the Barrel 40

Coming out of church, Mr. Smith asked his wife, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"
            "I didn't even see her," admitted Mrs. Smith.
            "And that gaudy sport shirt Harry Smith was wearing. I don't think that's appropriate for church, do you?"
            "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mrs. Smith.
            "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mr. Smith.  "A lot of good it does you to go to church."