The Bottom of the Barrel jokes used below have been with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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Bottom of the Barrel 41

This from Carl Boyle, who must accept full responsibility. I'm just a humble scribe who passes this stuff along.
            "A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.
            "The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?
            "The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."

Bottom of the Barrel 42

Evelyn McLachlan can be relied on to provide a Christmas groaner.
"The pastor who was badly overworked. Her husband worried about her and decided on a really fine Christmas gift.
            Snipping a lock of her hair in the middle of the night, he took it to a medical clinic and had a clone made. It was like the pastor in every respect - except that the clone used extraordinarily foul language.
            The cloned pastor was exceptionally gifted in many ways. She could preach a fine sermon and do fine pastoral visiting, but whenever she got irritated, she would let fly with a string of expletives worthy of Richard Nixon. Finally, the original pastor decided to get rid of her clone.
But how? Wouldn't it look like murder? The best thing, she decided, was to make the clone's death look like an accident. So the pastor lured the clone onto a bridge in the middle of the night and pushed her off.
            Unfortunately there was a police officer who happened by at that very moment. She was arrested and charged with making an obscene clone fall.

Bottom of the Barrel 43

Peggy Neufeldt
A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.
            The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
            The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything -- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
            "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
            "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
            To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Bottom of the Barrel 44

John Severson writes, "I think I've head this one before - but maybe not from Rumors."
            John, it has been on Rumors before, but it's good enough to run again.

The Carpenter's Son
One day Jesus was out for a walk, strolling near the walls surrounding heaven, when he heard an old man's voice call from the other side.
            "Hello? Hello?"
            "Who is it?" Jesus replied.
            "Just a poor, old carpenter searching for his son," the old man replied.
            Jesus' heart leapt with joy and he called out, "Joseph?"
            The old voice answered back, "Pinocchio?"

Bottom of the Barrel 45

Bill McSeveney sent this along. It's been here before, but Bill implies there's an important moral to the story. And surely, on this first Sunday of the New Year, we need something with a moral for our morale.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
            Finally fed up, God said, "That's it! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
            So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
            They moused.
            They faxed.
            They e-mailed.
            They e-mailed with attachments.
            They downloaded.
            They did spreadsheets!
            They wrote reports.
            They created labels and cards.
            They created charts and graphs.
            They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to humanity.
            Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
            Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...
            Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
            Jesus just sighed.
            Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
            "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
            Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
            Satan looked over at Jesus. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
            God just shrugged and said, "Jesus saves!"