The information used below is used with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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Mirabile Dictu 6

This from Dave Towers. Some of these have been around before, but there are a few new ones. Contrary to what some have maintained, these are not errors that children made on exams but a list that has been gradually building for at least the last ten years. It's a genuine piece of internet folk literature. And it's great fun.

* Noah's wife was Joan of Ark, and the animals came on in pears.
* The Jews were a proud people but throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
* Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
* The first Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
* The seventh commandment is, "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
* Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on Jesus' head.
* Jesus gave us the Golden Rule which is, do unto others before they do one to you. Jesus also explained that a person does not live by sweat alone.
* When Jesus rose from the dead, if he didn't see his shadow, he went back in for another month.
* The people who followed Jesus were the 12 decibels.
* The Epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the opossums was St. Mathew who was also a taxi man.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached Holy Acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
* Christians have only one spouse which is called monotony.

Mirabile Dictu 7

(Latin for "50 ways to lose you liver!") From John Cockburn
Baby Boomer Blues
It was fun being a baby boomer - until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:
* Herman's Hermits -  Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
* Ringo Starr -  I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
* The Bee Gees -  How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
* Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
* Roberta Flack -  The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
* Johnny Nash -  I Can't See Clearly Now.
* Paul Simon - Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
* The Commodores -  Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
* Marvin Gaye -  Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
* Procol Harem -  A Whiter Shade of Hair.
* Leo Sayer -  You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
* The Temptations -  Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
* Abba -  Denture Queen.
* Tony Orlando -  Knock Three Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
* Helen Reddy -  I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
* Leslie Gore -  It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
* Willie Nelson -  On the Commode Again

Mirabile Dictu 8

This from a wonderful niece in Winnipeg, Melissa Straub. It's fun, but also reasonably good guidelines for writers.

* Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
* Employ the vernacular.
* Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
* Remember to never split an infinitive.
* Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
* One should never generalize.
* Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
* Be more or less specific.
* Understatement is always best.
* The passive voice is to be avoided.
* Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
* Who needs rhetorical questions?
* Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
* Don't never use a double negation.
* Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
* If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
* A writer must not shift your point of view.
* A preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.
* Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
* If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
* Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
* Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
* Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague; they're old hat. Seek viable alternatives.

Mirabile Dictu 9

(via Don Sandin

* Does eating natural food mean I will die from natural causes?
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* The best cure for the blues is to start breathing again
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Do you ever wonder why you subscribed to Rumors?

Mirabile Dictu 10

Evelyn McLachlan offers us some amazingly simple home remedies.

* A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will actually prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
* Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
* Have a bad toothache?  Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
* You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.