The rib ticklers used below are used with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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NOW WITH TEN WEEKS OF RALPH MILTON’S COLUMNS ON ONE PAGE!!!

Rib Tickler 51

One of the joys of the Christmas season is that we have children coming to church who have not yet been totally indoctrinated.
            Peggy Neufeld tells the story of a Sunday school teacher who said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
            A hand went up quickly. "Aces!"

Rib Tickler 52

There was a bad snowstorm in the Midwest. Chicago's O'Hare airport had been closed for hours. The passenger agent was desperately trying to reschedule a long line of weary travelers.
            Finally a priest found his way to the head of the line. "What is your final destination," asked the agent.
            "Heaven, I hope," said the priest. "But today I'll settle for Cleveland."

Rib Tickler 53

The Youth Group was out collecting bottles to raise money for a mission project. They encountered one of the stalwarts of the congregation working in his front yard, a man not noted for his humor or his liberality.
            "Got any empty beer or wine bottles?" they asked.
            "Do I look like the kind of man who would have empty beer or wine bottles?" he grumped.
            "Oh, sorry," said the youth. "Got any empty vinegar bottles?"

Rib Tickler 54

Church school teachers have to be particularly careful when they tell God's story to small children.
            For instance, Charlotte Sloan Cooper of Belleville, Ontario has a daughter, Bethany, who told about a classmate who was convinced that after God created the world, God went to jail.
            Finally, the teacher heard the reason. "Well teacher," said the child, "you said that God made the world in six days, and on the seventh day God got arrested."

Rib Tickler 55

This from Mindy Ehrke.
          The graveside service had just ended, when there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder.
          The newly widowed woman looked at the pastor and said very calmly,
"Well, he's there."

Rib Tickler 56

This from Jim Spinks and Eva Stanley.
            Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him 'playing church' with their three kittens. He had the kittens sitting in a row, and he was preaching to them She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the kittens in a tub of water.
            "Johnny!" she called out. "Stop that! Those kittens don't like water!'
            Johnny looked up at her. "They should have thought about that before they joined my church."

Rib Tickler 57

A teacher assigned her class the topic, "What I'll be doing during the Easter holiday." 
           All the students began writing, little Johnny in an especially animated and excited way.  Soon, he raised his hand.  "Teacher, how do you spell 'gun'?" 
           Puzzled, the teacher said, "G. U. N."  Johnny continued to write even more furiously.  Soon, he raised his hand again. "Teacher, how do you spell 'die'?" 
           Alarmed, the teacher said, "D. I. E ... Johnny, just what are you intending to do this Easter?" 
           "Why, teacher, we gun die Easter eggs."

Rib Tickler 58

The visiting minister was trying to have a conversation with a child, while its mother was in the kitchen preparing the tea and cookies that would add more pounds to the minister's already portly posterior.
          "What does your mother do for you when you've been a good girl?" the minister asked.
          "I get to stay home from church," said the child.