The
rib ticklers used below are used with permission from the author Ralph Milton.
Rib Tickler 16
It was a meeting
of the Rotary club. They were honoring a member who had been in business in
their city for 75 years.
"Is there
anyone here who's in a business that's been in the city for longer than 75
years?" asked the chair.
A clergy
person at the gathering simply stood up, smiled, gave a little wave and sat
down.
Rib Tickler 17
Finally
scientists have found a way to resolve the ultimate question. They devised a
giant computer with a million, kazillion terabytes of
everything. Then into the computer they fed all human knowledge - all science,
all literature, all history, all theology.
They asked the
computer the big, big question. "Is there a God?"
The
super-computer whizzed and fussed and whirred.
Finally, the answer. "There is now!"
Rib Tickler 18
This
from Rod Collins of Springwood,
A wealthy man
left quite a considerable sum to the local convent whose particular mission was
to translate the Bible into the vernacular, for whichever country required such
a translation. After considerable effort in procuring the appropriate
hardware, Mother Superior engaged the services of a local programmer to write
appropriate software to translate the King James Version into modern English.
On the
appointed day, they all gathered to give this new system its first test.
Translate, "For the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
The lights
flickered, the machine hummed and whirred, and the finally the printer spat out
a piece of paper.
With much
anticipation, the Mother Superior read the translation.
"The
wine is OK, but the meat is off!"
Rib Tickler 19
Axel was a bit of
a conservative firebrand. And he often made life miserable for the preacher on
Sundays.
"What
translation of the Bible are you reading from?" he demanded one Sunday.
"The New Revised Standard Version."
"Why?" demanded Axel. "If the St. James Bible was good enough
for
Rib Tickler 20
"Aren't we
lucky," she said to him. "We can spend Sunday mornings in bed, while the
rest of the poor fools go to church."
"Yeah," he said. "Thank God we're atheists!