The rib ticklers used below are used with permission from the author Ralph Milton.

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Page Six

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Rib Tickler 21

You may have heard the story of the man who died and went to heaven. Just as he arrived, he noticed a large crowd gathering, so he asked St. Peter what it was all about.
           "Oh," said St. Peter. "It's show and tell time. People get to tell about memorable experiences in their lives on earth."
           "Great!" said the man. "Do you think I could tell about the big flood we had in our town a few years ago and how I saved people?"
           "Sure," said St. Peter. "But remember. Noah will be in the audience."

 

Rib Tickler 22

 

Asking children questions in worship is always risky business.
            The minister read a (non-biblical) parable for a children's sermon. It was rather long and a little over their heads.
            At the end of the story the minister asked, "Now, children, what do you think this story means?"
            After a long, uncomfortable silence, a small voice piped up, clear as a bell: "Nothing!"

 

Rib Tickler 23

 

A busload of church women were killed and went to heaven. Since renovations were being made to the heavenly mansions, St. Peter could not accommodate them, and sent them down to hell. Temporarily, of course.
            Not many weeks had passed when St. Peter received an urgent call from Old Nick. "Take these women back immediately!"
            "Why?" asked St. Peter.
            "Why? Because they've been holding so many teas and bazaars and sales, they've raised enough money to install air conditioning in the place."

 

Rib Tickler 24

 

You've seen this one here before, but I'm running it again because I'm a fair bit ticked at all things computerish.
            They were demonstrating a new computer program at the trade fair. "It can translate anything from any language to another," said the salesperson.
            "So if I give you a sentence," said a minister, "will you translate it into Russian, then back into English."
            "Sure, no problem," said the sales person. "100% accuracy guaranteed."
            "Here's the sentence," said the minister. "It's something Jesus said. 'The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.'"
            It only took a few seconds. The computer translated it into Russian, then back into English. The result:
            "The wine is good but the meat is rotten."

 

Rib Tickler 25

 

The story is told of the controversial Bishop Robinson who was invited to preach at a large and ancient church in England. Wisely, Robinson asked the verger (aka janitor) how loudly he needed to speak to be heard.
            "Give it all y'got, your Grace," said the verger. "The agnostics in this church is terrible!"