The
rib ticklers used below are used with permission from the author Ralph Milton.
Rib Tickler 26
June and July are the wedding months. At least here in
Some
years ago, Rev. Bev Milton (Yes, we belong to each other.) was addressing the
couple in the marriage ceremony.
"You
have promised to love each other for better or for worse. I can't promise you
that it'll get any better than this. But it will get worse!"
Rib Tickler 27
The couple was driving with their three
young children on a warm, summer evening.
In a red
convertible ahead of them, a woman stood up and waved. She was stark naked.
As the
couple swallowed hard and tried not to over-react, their five-year-old in the
back seat said, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
Rib Tickler 28
The man loved his job. He coached a
basketball team and couldn't imagine ever doing anything else.
So he went
to church and asked the minister. "Hey, Rev. After I die, y'know in the after life? Will I still be able to coach
basketball?"
Well, the
minister didn't want to give a glib answer, so he said, "Give me a few
days to pray about it."
A few days
later, there was the coach wanting an answer.
"Well," said the minister. "I have good news and bad news. The
good news is that yes, you will be coaching a basketball team in heaven."
"So
what could be the bad news?" asks the coach.
"You'll
be coaching the visiting team."
Rib Tickler 29
Cliff Boldt of
Union Bay, BC sends this variation on a theme that's been around for a coon's
age. But if Bach could do endless variations on a musical theme, we can do it
on a humorous theme. Besides, it's summer (at least in the northern Hemisphere)
and baseball season.
There were
two old men who had loved baseball all of their life. They had grown up in the
same town where they played together thru grade school, high school and then
college. After college they didn't have the skill for professional ball so they
learned to be umpires in order to stay around the game. They started in the
minors and being very good umpires soon moved on to the majors where they
umpired for many years.
After they
retired, they continued to umpire for children's ball games. However, as they
grew older and older, they started to worry about what it would be like after
they died. Would there be baseball after death? Finally they made a pact.
The first
one to die would, if at all possible, come back immediately and tell the other
about baseball after death. Finally Joe died and went to Heaven. After much
argument he convinced St. Peter to let him return in a dream to his friend
Fred.
This was the dream conversation:
Joe: Fred, I made it to heaven and I have both good news and bad news
Fred: Well, what is the good news
Joe: We don't have to worry about baseball any more. There are all kinds up
here. We can umpire from sand lot ball to the major leagues. In fact I have 3rd
base tomorrow night
Fred: That's great!! What could possibly be bad news after that?
Joe: You have the home plate!
Rib Tickler 30
This from Neil McRae who got it "from
my brother Duncan, a good RC who lives in central
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist
began his therapy session.
"You've identified yourself as God," the doctor said.
"That's right," said the patient.
"Well, perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created
the heavens and the earth..."